Lonetrek region – Okela constellation
Tsuguwa system – Planet VI
Caldari Navy Assembly Plant
21 November YC 126
Two days after Violent Expulsion mission I got a call from Purkkoken Honuken, a Level 1 Security Agent.
“Hey, Vlad, what are you doing?”
“Hi, mate. Just watching holovids. What’s up?”
“What if I told you that you could be paid for watching holovids?”
“Oh, no. Is it one of those marketing schemes which require you to rate the shows and answer stupid questions about them?”
“No, no, no, no. All you need to do is watch those holovids in your destroyer in a particular sector of space, and Cladari Navy is prepared to pay you 52,000 ISK per hour.”
I scowled suspiciously, “And what’s the catch? The Navy is not known for its generous support of mass entertainment.”
Purkkoken shifted uncomfortably, “Well, there is a very small chance that you may be interrupted…”
“Interrupted,” I repeated pointedly.
“…by a Gallente citizen…”
“…a fellow lover of holovids, no doubt…” contributed I.
“…flying…”, the agent continued.
“…a battlecruiser,” finished I.
“No! Just a frigate, a reconnaissance frigate.”
“Look, mate, you better come clean. What’s going on?”
“Oh, Vlad,” moaned Purkkoken, “it’s a madhouse here. Firstly, we ran out of pod pilots, now we don’t have enough Navy ships to patrol the system. And all this at the time when Gallenteans are ramping up their surveillance efforts. I’ve been asked to contract the patrol duty out to capsuleers.”
He looked at me pleadingly.
I sighed, “Alright, send me the coordinates. When do I need to be there?”
“In 30 minutes.”
“What? I won’t even have time to finish my bottle of wine.”
“Take it with you onboard.”
I made a face at him, “And do what – mix it into the pod goo?”
Purkkoken was all but jumping up and down at this stage, “I… I’ll buy you a new one. Just get there in time.”
I smiled, “Now we are talking. I am on my way.”
The mission location was empty and unremarkable, with coordinates being the only feature distinguishing it from any other point in space. I shrugged and resumed watching the holovid. Maybe five or ten minutes later, Aura very politely interrupted me.
“Captain, no doubt you have already noticed that we have been target locked. I just want to enquire if you have any plan of dealing with this unfortunate situation.”
“Aura, do I hear a hint of sarcasm?.. Wait, you said target locked?”
I panicked and looked away from the video screen to the overview. Indeed, there was a red triangle which was targeting me.
“Surely, you heard the buzz of the target lock, Captain?” said Aura innocently.
“I… I was watching a holovid about a space battle. They target each other all the time. I thought that buzzing came from the video,” I explained lamely.
“Ok, now it is shooting at us,” remarked Aura conversationally, as I felt stings on my skin and saw a growing red sector on the shield indicator.
“Why is it shooting at us?” I cried, “Is it not supposed to be a recon ship? Recon ships do not shoot, they reconnoitre. That’s why they are called recon ships!”
“I don’t know,” replied Aura, “Maybe it’s a different ship.”
“Damn it, get me Honuken on the line, and I’ll start moving.”
Being a sitting duck in a fight is always a bad idea, so I fired up my MWD and flew around the frigate in a wide circle. The rate of shield damage immediately subsided.
Purkkoken appeared on the comm screen almost immediately, “Hey, how is it going?”
“I have a bloody Elite Federation Arcus on my tail and it’s shooting at me. You said it would be a recon ship!”
The agent leaned closer to the camera and said calmly, “Vlad, don’t pretend to be stupider than you are. Surely, you know that a ship can fire weapons and use sensors at the same time.”
I opened my mouth. I closed my mouth. Fair point. Now that we have established that Arcus was the reconnaissance ship, I had only one question.
“And… what shall I do with it?”
“BLAST IT OUT OF THE SKY!” shouted Purkkoken, startling me.
“No need to yell, mate,” I said, hurt, “Your mission brief said ‘patrol’. There was nothing about shooting.”
“Vlad, just kill the bloody spy before it has downloaded all your browser history.”
“Ah, that’s a good incentive. Why didn’t you start with it?” I muttered and targeted the Gallentean.
Two minutes later I was extracting Federation Navy Sergeant Insignia from the cooling wreck of Elite Federation Arcus frigate.
“Just a dog tag?” said Aura sceptically.
“Yeah, not much, as loot goes,” agreed Purkkoken, “but keep it in storage. If you collect enough of those, you can exchange them for Caldari Navy guns or ammo. Anyway, your mission is over. You can return to the station.”
“Hey,” I said indignantly, “I have 12 more hours of holovids which you promised to pay for!”
“Sorry, mate, there is no point in keeping you here after the encounter. They won’t be sending another ship to this sector after they have just lost one. In any case the gap in the roster that I needed you to cover was just three hours. The Navy will pay you in full for three hours but that’s it,” said the agent and signed off.
“You sneaky bastard!” I exclaimed, although he couldn’t hear me anymore. Then I remembered something and smiled, “Aura, please download a price list from the station bottle shop. I want to check what is the most expensive wine they have in stock.”