Lonetrek region – Okela constellation
Tsuguwa system – Planet VI
Caldari Navy Assembly Plant Station
24 December YC 126
“Vlad, I have something very important for you,” Purkkoken babbled excitedly on a commlink, “We have a crisis here and you are my most reliable contractor. I really need you on this mission.”
Intrigued, I went to Purkkoken’s office. As soon as I closed the door, the agent jumped from his chair and cried out, “Vlad, we are on the edge of a war!”
“War? With whom?” I asked, alarmed.
“With the Federation! You have no idea what just happened.”
My heart sank. Just yesterday I was joking with Aura about the lack of safeguards in humans, and suddenly it didn’t feel funny at all. We have been having skirmishes with Gallente in contested systems for ages, but a full-scale war was a different thing altogether.
I plonked heavily in the chair and said, “Tell me.”
Agitated and wide-eyed, Purkkoken started his story, “So here is the picture: there is some big high-society party going on. All the big wigs are there. And then one Gallente dignitary, completely hammered, starts mouthing off to everyone. He even goes up to an admiral and calls our side ‘a bunch of humorless egg-jockeys’. In his face!”
I scoffed, “I am used to being called an egger but, I guess, the admiral isn’t.”
“That’s right. And then you have the fall-out – all the higher-ups are pulling out of the embassy in protest. If you ask me, it’s rather an overreaction, but they are dead set on making a statement. And guess what, they need a security detail to leave. To complicate things even further, we’ve got intel that some jingoist faction of the Gallente plan to make a move on the ambassadors to exacerbate the conflict. This is where you come in.”
I baulked at the implication of the agent’s request, “You want me to fly solo to Gallente space and provide cover for the evacuation?”
Purkkoken shook his head, “No, why Gallente? It is next door, in Iidoken.”
“And whose ambassadors are they?”
“Ours.”
I blinked, “In Iidoken?”
“In Iidoken,” confirmed the agent.
“And whose embassy is that?”
“Ours.”
Bewildered, I rubbed my forehead trying to make sense of Purkkoken’s words.
“So,” I started slowly, “there is a Caldari embassy in Iidoken to… what? Lonetrek region? Okela constellation? Iidoken?”
Purkkoken opened his mouth to answer and froze. He stayed like that for a few seconds, then swallowed and said, “Vlad, honestly, I have no idea what’s going on. One thing I know is that we urgently need someone in a particular location in Iidoken, who could shoo away all the hostiles.”
I stood up, “That’s a pity. It could have been a good story. Now it sounds like ‘just go there and sort things out’.”
Purkkoken looked at me pleadingly, “Will you?”
I smiled, “Send the coordinates to Aura. I’ll see what I can do.”
Lonetrek region – Okela constellation
Iidoken system – Mission location
There was only one object on my overview when I arrived to the mission location – a medium-sized station named ‘Caldari consul’. I rolled my eyes and groaned.
“What’s the matter?” asked Aura.
“I am supposed to ensure safe departure of Caldari ambassadors from Caldari embassy, and all I see is a structure called ‘Caldari consul’. I am not sure I am in the right place.”
“Wait,” said Aura, looking confused, “Caldari embassy, or consul, in Caldari space?”
I made a deep breath of pod goo and said earnestly, “Aura, darling, don’t get me started.”
I guess there was something in my eyes that prevented her from developing that topic. Instead, she turned to the overview screen and said, “Look, rogue drones!”
I was caught off guard, and squeaked, “What? What are they doing here?”
Aura raised her eyebrow, “Apparently, targeting us,” and pointed at the yellow boxes around the drone icons.
“Damn,” was all I could say before targeting them back.
As you can imagine, I didn’t stop at yellow-boxing them and proceeded with a healthy dose of iron medicine. Explosions of Infester Alvi and three Mammon Apis drones provided a light show which I hoped lifted the spirits of the diplomats awaiting evacuation from the station. Before their wrecks had time to cool down, a new flight of rogue drones, consisting of two Belphegor Apises and three Mammon Apises, appeared within my targeting distance.
“There is something wrong with that AI,” I noted conversationally.
“What?” asked Aura with keen interest.
“One would expect an AI to learn from new experiences and adjust its behaviour accordingly. Now, this one seems to ignore its lessons.”
“What lessons?”
“That if you attack me, you will be scrapped,” replied I, and applied my iron treatment to the newcomers.
It helped, and soon the overview was blissfully devoid of red colour. That wonderful state didn’t last long unfortunately, and soon a red triangle labelled ‘Gallente Nationalist’, appeared in the window.
“Aha,” I rubbed my hands, “you are the one I’ve been waiting for.”
“Do you know him?” asked Aura, surprised.
“No, but I was told that he or she was going to press his acquaintance on the ambassadors in the most uncouth manner. Totally mauvais ton, as they say in Gallente.”
While I was speaking thusly to Aura, the malfeasant, instead of scaring the shit out of the diplomatic corps, took an issue with me, and unceremoniously targeted my dessy.
I rolled my eyes, “Mauvais ton, indeed. Let’s teach him some manners.”
The lesson didn’t take much time, as the wannabe terrorist a) was not a capsuleer, and b) flew some ancient model of Gallente ship which was totally unsuitable for modern combat. To give you an idea, it took me longer to write this paragraph than to get through its structure.
“Hey, Purkkoken says that’s it,” informed me Aura when ‘Federation Praktor Belos Wreck’ replaced ‘Gallente Nationalist’ in the overview window.
“Hmm… Nothing to write home about,” I shrugged and warped to Tsuguwa gate.
“I am sure you will manage,” smiled Aura sweetly.